Eh, howzit! \m/

Sooooo, five months since my last blog post, yikes!

It’s been a crazy year thus far. Lots of thinking, doing, learning, soul-searching, and wondering just what. am. I. DOING with my life?! I spend a lot of time away from my family, the people I cherish with every fiber of my being (near and far), and you and I both know time is all that we will ever really truly have on this planet. Time is our most valuable commodity. There are many days that I wonder if what I’m doing, if the work I’m putting in is worth the sacrifice. Sigh. It shouldn’t feel like such an “eternal struggle,” it shouldn’t be that difficult?? I will need to figure it out before I lose my gotdamn mind.

At any rate… I have been able to get a lot done this year (so far), like de-cluttering the house, for instance. I’ve managed to get rid of quite a bit of stuff, oh I’m so happy about it you have no idea. If an item had no value or use to anyone else whatsoever, it went into the dumpster; if there was any sort of value in it, however big or small, I either gave it to friends or dropped it off Goodwill (and if it didn’t fit in the car I set it on the curb out front – gone by lunchtime!). Just letting go of STUFF was like heaving massive weights the f*ck off my shoulders. Like my old notebooks and texts from film school (I mean, REALLY?). There was a time when I would have looked at those and thought “But, but what if, someday…” I enjoyed the shit outta those classes! I somehow managed to look at everything through the filter of “if I haven’t touched it in 6-12 months, OUT it goes.” The tugging “what if” was promptly met with “I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.” The cost of holding onto it all is much greater than just letting it all go and it’s hard to really understand that feeling of “freedom” until you. let. it. GO.

The challenge now has become “So what else can I get rid of?” How much more can I let go of, give away? I’m finding I don’t need as much as I thought I did. What I’ve found is through all the de-cluttering I’m making room and space for my thoughts and creativity to grow. It hasn’t been easy, old habits including acquiring shit just for the sake of acquiring shit die hard but I’m more self-aware now than before. I may not be where I want to be, but it’s growth and progress nonetheless. So I’m happy about that.